The Road To Mental Wellness with Desert Rose

Hello again and welcome to the road to mental wellness. Last week I said we would discuss a variety of trauma induced mental disorders. However, before we get to that I feel we should discuss Narcissistic Personality Disorder first.

It causes a variety of trauma induced mental disorders. Knowledge is power and as a survivor of narcissistic abuse, I feel I should also include this disorder. It could be anyone in your life.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is found more commonly in men. Symptoms include an excessive need for admiration, disregard for others feelings, an inability to handle any criticism, a sense of entitlement, grandiosity, callous, unemotional traits and social isolation. Others often describe people with NPD as cocky, manipulative, self-centered as well as selfish, patronizing, and demanding.

This way of thinking and behaving surfaces in every area of the narcissist’s life such as work, friendships, family and love relationships. They will take advantage of others to get what they want. They possess an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others. They are envious of others and believe others envy them. They are arrogant, brag a lot and come across as conceited.

In my experience, my ex husband manipulated me, spread lies about me, he kept me broke by taking my money, he hurt me emotionally. One time after I left he convinced me to let him have a “visit” with my dog that he considered ours at the time. When I went to pick up my dog he held him hostage, stating I could only have him back if I came back.

Of course I went back for my dog. Publicly he pretended to be normal and act nice, but privately he would suddenly become angry and isolate me even more than I already was. I can tell you first-hand it is so hard to turn away from someone you’ve known for a very long time.

You begin to feel that the cruel things they said were true. You think you miss them but deep down you miss the old them and they promise to change if you come back. So, you go back thinking everything will be as it was. They have brainwashed you into thinking no one (even family) will love you.

You have lived in this situation for so long that you have grown used to the cruelty, violence and abuse. Therefore, when you leave you start to miss it because your brain has been rewired to think this is normal even though it’s not. My narcissist was my high school sweetheart, together on and off for 10 years. We were married 5 of that 10.

He lied, cheated, talked about me behind my back and was controlling to name a few qualities. He was so good at being controlling that at the time I didn’t even realize I was being controlled. Looking back I think to myself how could I have been that stupid. But I wasn’t stupid. I was blind, love is blind. I was blindly doing what he wanted in hopes he would want me again. I hoped he would give me attention and at time even the bad attention was attention.

He didn’t want me nor did he want me to be with anyone else. He was a puppeteer and I was his puppet bowing to his every whim. Leaving is the hardest part and I promise it gets better, there is someone out there waiting to find you and love you like you deserve to be loved.

You will learn to live without your narcissist. You can be independent. You are worthy, you matter, you are loved, you are beautiful (or handsome) and you can live a wonderful life. In fact you deserve it. There is help out there. Until next time, be well and mentally healthy.